


To: 1021145

by daniwrites



Category: iKON (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Smut, M/M, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-27
Updated: 2019-05-27
Packaged: 2020-03-20 10:56:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,070
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18991264
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daniwrites/pseuds/daniwrites
Summary: Junhoe decided to live life again after a painful break up. He started going out again to wander and to explore. He promised himself to visit every museum in Seoul but he kept on finding a letter in every museum that he visits, this kind of changed his priorities as he starts to get curious about the person writing those 'suicidal' letters. Will he find him? Is Junhoe ready to find him?





	1. Chapter 1

To: 1021145  
From: Ji

I know it's long gone and that you have fully moved on now. I understand that it was my fault, I did this to us. You were right, you don't deserve me because I'm an asshole. I don't deserve your love or anyone's love. I still love you and I don't know if I'll ever stop because I don't want to stop either. You're still my home, you're still my life.

If I could just turn back time, I should've held your hand tighter, I should've hugged you longer and I should've loved you better. I saw you last year nothing much changed about you, you were still beautiful as ever, your eyes are still the prettiest eyes for me. You're still the most beautiful view my eyes had laid on. Your smile, God knows I'll consider dying to have a glimpse of tour smiles, it was always lovely and heartwarming.

But it's not for me anymore.  
You're not smiling for me.  
It's now his.

I saw how you looked at him, you used to look at me like that before. And, I miss it. I miss you but everything's too late now. I missed my chance. I took my own life away from me, figuratively.

Should I do it literally, too? 


	2. y

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here's the first chapter, enjoy reading ~   
> You can also leave comments if you have any violent reactions or something you would like to share.
> 
> twt: @pokpok4hanbin

Junhoe woke up earlier than usual, he made coffee and pancakes for breakfast. This is the first time that he woke up inside his room without a hangover, last night he realized something; going through a break up fucking hurts but you have a choice to let it break you or make you and it's been a year since they broke up, he suffered too much and he wants to fix everything that he broke when he got broken.

He was sitting on the sofa browsing channels to watch or to just look for something entertaining but he found none then an idea popped in his mind.

_What if I go back to poetry writing and pursue my bucket list to visit all the museums around Seoul?_

He knows it's a great idea and it was a fresh, nice and calming start for him. Poetry writing has always been his safe haven, his escape and home. He also thought of taking classes on how to play the guitar, he loved music ever since and maybe this is the right time to widen his interest in music, with his job as a book editor his schedule would fit his plans since he would just receive his work through emails and edit it at home then send it again through email.

The thought of enjoying and living life again made Junhoe smile, he missed the feeling of being alive not just purely existing but living.

"Junhoe? You're up early." Yunhyeong was surprised to see Junhoe sitting on the sofa, usually he would barge into the younger's room to wake him up after cooking his hangover soup.

"Hyung, do you want pancakes? I cooked some." Junhoe asked Yunhyeong and he saw how the other made a surprised face. He rolled his eyes and laughed.

"Who are you and what have you done to Junhoe?! Is this your new way of coping up with your hangover? Are you sick?" Yunhyeong immediately went to Junhoe's side and touched his forehead. His temperature is normal.

Junhoe pushed Yunhyeong's hand away from him. He faced Yunhyeong and the other was attentive to him like he was worried and nervous for Junhoe.

"Are you okay?" Yunhyeong asked.  
"Yeah, I'm more than fine actually. Hyung, last night I've decided to start anew. I've decided to move forward I realized thatㅡ hey!" Junhoe didn't managed to finish his sentence when Yunhyeong threw himself to the younger and hugged him tight.

"Oh my god, Junhoe. I've been waiting for this moment. I know you'll be back. I know you'll get through this. I'm so proud of you." Yunhyeong kept on rubbing Junhoe's back making him feel that he really is proud of friend.

  
"Chill, hyung. It's just my 1st day and I haven't started anything yet."

"But, do you have any ideas on what you want to do to start again?"

"Well, I thought of going to museums and writing poetry again also I thought of learning the guitar."

Yunhyeong broke the hug and looked at Junhoe

"Do you want me to accompany you?"

"No, hyung. I'm gonna be okay. I've been a burden to you for a year now. You always come here in the morning to cook for me and to clean my apartment. I want to do it msyelf now. Thank you and sorry, hyung." Junhoe meant everything he said, he's both thankful and sorry for his friend. Yunhyeong took care of him and never left his side. He endured all the troubles and problems that Junhoe caused. So he's really thankful he found a brother figure in Yunhyeong.

"You know that you were never a burden to me, Junhoe. I like taking care of you, you're my family here and I would sti go here in the morning to help you clean up your apartment, it has been my daily routine." Yunhyeong answered and smiled at him sweetly, he was happy that the Junhoe he knows is slowly coming back, he missed him so he wants to guide him and be there for him always.

"Okay, hyung. Thank you. We can start cleaning up now. I want to get rid of anything related to him. If I'm going to start anew, I need my environment to be new too."

Yunhyeong nodded and stood up. They started to sort Junhoe's things, the younger also thought of donating his old but still in good condition clothes to those who need it. There were boxes everywhere around the house, Junhoe feels like he just moved in here, he remember what he felt like three years ago when he decided to live alone here in Seoul.

"Do you want to buy new things for your house? It's my day off today so I can accompany you to the mall and help you pick stuff."

Junhoe loved the idea of buying new things, not that he hated his stuff right now but these things hold too many memories, he wants to completely put in the past.

"Yeah sure, hyung. I'll just take a shower then let's meet at the lobby. Go shower in your unit, too."


End file.
